ESL Motivation Letter
A motivation letter for a scholarship had the following introductory paragraph in its first draft:
Dear Sirs,
I recently graduate from the Engineering department of the ______ ________ ___ ________ awarding the title of _______ __________. In the last years I have been working on different projects related with nanoscience in collaborations with my University and the applied physics department of the CIVESTAV-IPN. Due to these investigations I had the opportunity to present some of my results in different international congresses, which give me an opportunity to take a look of how fast is growing the fields of nanoscience and nanotechnology and how wide it can be.
My edit was:
To The Selection Committee:
I recently graduated from the _______ ________ ____ __________with a ___degree in __ __. The past few years I have been working on different projects related to nanoscience in a collaboration of my university with the applied physics department of the CIVESTAV-IPN. I had the opportunity to present some of my results in different international conferences, giving me the opportunity to see how fast the fields of nanoscience and nanotechnology are growing.
With the following explanatory notes
- First, never assume that everyone on a selection committee like this one is a man–and always put a colon after a salutation on a business letter.
- If the degree was a Master’s or Ph.D., say so. I didn’t recognize the field (which might be my shortcoming), so double-check the English name of this type of degree.
- Explain (even just giving the full or English name) what CIVESTAV-IPN is
- As always watch out to make sure verb tenses agree with each other and the time table of the letter: “graduate” should be “graduated”.
It must be high season for motivation letters. Keep them coming.
