ESL Formal Letter
The following are the first few lines from a formal letter
Dear Mrs …
While I was in the University of ______ ________to learn more about the functioning of the university, I have learnt of your course “Civilization and Common law”. I would like to be an applicant for it.
I am a student in first year of law and I would like to complete this formation by doing a specialization in the common law. It will later permit me to turn towards a European or international juridical career. Indeed I would like to work as a judge in the European Court of Justice.
My edit for the passage is
Dear Dr. ____:
While I was visiting the University of ________ ________ , I found out about your course “Civilization and Common Law”. I would like to enroll. I am a first-year law student who wants to specialize in common law, so I can pursue a European or international judicial career. My long-term goal is to work as a judge in the European Court of Justice.
My explanatory notes were
- Are you sure the person goes by “Mrs. ____”? If she’s a law professor she probably goes by Dr. (for a PhD, not an MD). Double check with her website or that of her university to make sure. Even if she is not a PhD, you might want to change Mrs. to Ms. which is the best form of business address for women (who aren’t MDs or PhDs).
- My edit assumes that you were visiting and not enrolled in the University of ______ _______, so if you were a student there please correct my error.
- My overall suggestion would be to use spellcheck and a dictionary to avoid spelling errors and to try to use precise verbs (“specialize”, “pursue” and “enroll” instead of “to be”) to make your sentences more engaging and to help cut excess.
