Motivational Essay
Here’s the first paragraph of a student’s rough draft for a motivational essay (which is the European version of a personal statement).
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is _____. I am an American citizen living in _________, and I would like to apply for the Bachelor’s program in Economics with the _________ School of Economics. I want to work in a global environment to make an impact on our society. Studying Economics will provide me the best background for doing so. Studying at _______ University will be an excellent start to my global career since it is located at the heart of an international community.
Which I changed to
To The Selection Committee:
I am an American citizen living in ________ who wants to apply to the bachelor’s program of the ________School of Economics. I believe studying economics will provide the best background for my long-term goal: to make an impact on our society by working in a global environment. Because of its location in the heart of the international community, _______ University is the ideal place to start my career.
Here are my notes
- Letters for entrance into academic (and other) programs generally have the salutation “To The Selection Committee” and always end in a colon.
- Your name should be in the letterhead, the signature, your CV and the rest of the application. You don’t need it in the body of the letter.
- Being more specific about long-term goals (or reasons for wanting to pursue a career in international economics) either in the latter part of this paragraph or at the beginning of the next one would help to more immediately engage the reader.
- I took out the needless repetition of “economics” in the student’s second sentence: applying to a school of economics means one will probably be studying for a degree in…economics.
- Watch out for inconsistent or incorrect capitalization. If you are unsure, do a search.
- I compressed some of the sentences, so they’d be a little meatier. Don’t be afraid of (not-too-lengthy!) sentences that contain a lot of information. As long as they’re arranged in a grammatical, well-punctuated and precisely-worded way, they aren’t confusing. In fact, they’re the foundation of well-written college papers.
